Where?

This is absolutely annoying, frustrating, almost paralyzing. It's not a tragedy, but it's driving me crazy. It stops me from going out, I missed a wonderful sunny afternoon, it makes my thoughts stuck at one and only point:

Where on earth are my keys?

I remember putting them in the usual place. I remember seeing them hanging where they're supposed to hang, but when I decided to go out they were nowhere to be found. And if I go out without my keys when no one else is at home, I can't enter the building.

I can't help blaming my son for taking them, but he says he didn't. And why would he, he's got the two keys he needs, my bunch of door openers is much too big. I have thought of my daughter - is it possible that she took them by mistake I asked them twice and "No, mum, I have no idea where you put them, I have my own keys, remember?" stopped me from asking her again. I have tidied my room and started to move the furniture around, waiting for that obvious metal sound. The washing machine is washing and I keep checking if anything is banging on the door glass. It has even occurred to me it could be my sweetheart who took them along with his keys, cellphone or whatever. Yeah, right! He never does anything like that!

Just how stupid will I feel once I find out it really is my fault? Like once at school when I "had checked every corner of the staff room" before I started to ask my colleagues (and it happens to them sometimes) if they had mistaken my keys for their own. One of them even gave me a lift to a smaller school where I was supposed to have a lesson. When I got back I found my keys on a chair. And not in the middle of it - no, they were sitting comfortably where the arm would normally be resting. How could they stay there and not fall on the floor? Which I checked, by the way.

So keys my darling, where are you hiding now? Have you found a yet wierder spot to take a break? Should I be checking the fridge and the inside of the shoes? Oh, but shoes would not be your first time, would they? Fridge, then. Nope.

Calling doesn't work. I give up. I'll watch something stupid on TV and pretend I'm thinking of something else. And wait for the washing machine to stop.