Tuesday, 7 July 2009

Weird Humour?

I had two children ages ago (in 1988 and 1991). And for that my body had been preparing like forever: why should a girl at thirteen need painful periods and than years of inconvenient leakages in our modern way of life or any other? Why should it be necessary to complain (or better even - bare it quietly) for so many years about stomachaches on the first or second day (or both), passing out from them and then years later about the headaches a day or two before the period? Not to mention feeling extremely irritated by little tiny inconveniencies which would otherwise go by unnoticed, just because your body is getting ready for yeat another leak in a day or two?

It all reminds me of preparing dinner.
First you have to do the shopping, if you have an idea of what you want or not. Not that the rest of the family don't want anything in particular, they just don't know it until you put something else on the table. So, the annoying grocery shopping, the cooking (I so don't like that), listening to the comments of the better chefs around you (yeah, right!), solving the problems that arise now and then (burning things, putting too much salt seasoning something in a weird way), calling the people to the table, arguing about their not coming right away after all that work (am I lazy?) eating it all in like five minutes (okay, let's make it 7) and then (yes, there is a pleasant feeling in your tummy and if the rest are pleased it's even better), you can start cleaning the kitchen almost forever - because it's never too clean to clean it a little bit more. After you wash the dishes and the stove, you see the tiles got a little greasy and there is something on the floor that needs not only sweeping, but also mopping and if you're clumsy enough you can slip on that little piece of boiled potato that you dropped earlier and didn't notice and then - you spot a web in the corner. And all that just because of dinners!!!! Okay, I must admit, after that afterdinner cleaning, I sometimes (always, that is) want a cup of coffee and here we go again - washing - rinsing - drying - putting away. Or I let it wait in the sink so it gets company.

Anyway, what was God thinking when making us? Can you imagine being God? Making a man, he must have thought "Hey, that's too simple, let's add a twist or two" and then he went on: "Let's put a little baby factory in here. Won't it be amusing - this woman creature with her "want to be slim" chip in her head? She'll watch her weight before and after and yet, she'll be like a balloon at a birthday party ! LOL! Should this plant just open and close? Naah, I'll put a code in the body which will start to develop it and do so for ages and make it ready years before it's really needed and won't close for a decade or two after it becomes purposeless. Since these creatures will be walking around on two feet eventually, I must be careful that their little ones don't get hurt falling out. I'd better make this entrance into the world a bit narrower than their heads. They'll find a way. And then this baby plant will be closing like forever, causing flushes, headaches and other weird symptoms, just to make life more interesting.

A playground? Okay, I can add that. But I'll connect the two in a way that people won't like. Will that be fun or what - looking at them, trying to avoid one, but not the other! Huh! Of course, that will give this one additional headaches - either from being successful or for failing miserably. This will be a neverending life story of the mankind. And when she grows old, I'll add a change or two every now and then, always something new that she will have to figure out."

Grrr! I'm pi..d! I went to my gynecologist today and no, I'm not dying, she says (I knew that! I wasn't THAT worried), but yes, I'm getting old. She smiled, she was kidding a little, but not entirely.

I'll go now and finish cleaning the kitchen. I guess t least the dishes are dry now.


  1. Oh Minka, you made me laugh. At least before modern times we got the whole week off sitting in our little blood hut so the men wouldn't get contaminated.

  2. ha ha ha..... I'll just kill myself before I get old. That has always been my plan .... :P

  3. Oh! Sitting away all that time? Losing it? Or doing some weird handcraft preparing for the time when one of those not so complex creatures decided we're good enough and would kindly bare with us for the rest of our lives if only that kid production functioned? Geez, am I thankful for modern hygiene industry (or how else should I put that?)!

  4. Oh dear! I thought you said you were done with the computer for the day! And later I already wanted to write another post... that was my wicked plan... go away, Poppy! I want grandchildren one day!!!!

  5. I am welcoming this no monthly "friend" thing, but the no sleeping thing because of all the hormones changes just sucks. I am so freakin' tired, I can't hardly stand it.

  6. Getting "mature" - it's not so bad. You might want to play around with diet and vitamins. The thing I am glad about is still being here, still enjoying being on the planet.

  7. Marry Ellen, I absolutely agree! But are't some things just ridiculous?

  8. Minka, you are so funny! I love the exchange between you and Poppy.

    I HATE the whole process of this mess!!! I feel lousy the week before and the entire time during.

    Hope you're having a great week! xoxo

  9. I hope the same for you Sixpence! Hugs to you for all you lovely thoughts and comments! :))